DAY 145 – Today we brought our daughter home. Next week it will have been 5 full months since she got all fancied up, was on a natural high with the achievements of her life, showed off and made fun to us how cool she looked, walked over and hugged me and Glenn, then kissed me and Glenn, then simply drove down the driveway. Her and I texted until I think just b4 11:00pm, then I layed down with my cell under my pillow on vibrate. I awoke to the vibration at I believe 1:30am. to her friend who was at my work thinking I lived there. He told me my daughter was on a mediflight helecopter to Modesto. Out of a deep and confused sleep I gave him the 3rd degree because the Sheriff or CHP hadn’t called me. I tried everyway I could think of to catch him up in his story then I believe I hung up on him and called the Sheriff. Our first instinct is to deny. We all know it. Then when it happened to me I denied it anyway. Yesterday when I was preparing to bring my daughter home, I went grocery shopping. It was so stimulating with happiness to me as I ran into friends and neighbors “Is she home?” “Nope, but i’m gettin’ ready for her right now!” It made me feel very happy to shop for food that I was planning to make for my family all week! Five months ago, I would be really grouchy when I went shopping for groceries, it took too much time and too much money. I didn’t like that. I haven’t purchased a lot of food at one time for almost 5 months. When the cashier told me it was $212. I felt happy again! I smiled when she told me how much I saved, I told her it didn’t matter to me at all, didn’t tell her why. When I pulled in at the mail box to check the mail, a car pulled in with a couple in it. He yells out “How’s the girl?” I held out my hand with a little pinching motion. “She gets a little bit better everyday” He didn’t know who I was, they both smiled and gave me the thumbs up, then drove away. That made me happy. After I got home, I looked out at a magnificent sunset, the brightest pink kind. Then I realized I haven’t stopped to see a sunset for almost 5 months. It was Nicole’s favorite color and that made me happy. Today after we brought Nicole to see her big brother, I returned to him a big wooden cross on a leather string that he wanted me to wear way back when we were all preparing for decisions we’d have to make because Nicole wasn’t waking up. He said it’d always brought him good luck. I wore it everyday. Today it made me happy to return it to him. Glenn has had in his pocket, a good luck charm with an angel on it everyday since an old friend gave it to him, just about the same time I got the cross. We have a picture of her hands in Glenn’s while she was in her deepest coma, their hands surround the charm. We will frame the piece of art and return the charm with it to the grand friend. That will make us happy. Tonight we will return to our daughter her hot pink satin pillow that I have slept with and poured gallons of tears into since her accident, and her leopard print pillow Glenn has slept with and I know poured into aswell….wait, i’m gonna do it now…………………….We just did. This made us a bit shaken, and made us happy. Last night I had to put my 11 yr old son to bed early, as he and I were to leave at 6 am to go pick up Glenn and Nicole today. He was for once, happy to get to bed early. Aside from worrying about Nicole waking up and if she did, what she would be like, the next worse thing for all 4 of us has been being seperated apart, juggled and shuffled around, all of us not being together under the same roof at the same time. This was the toughest part, the last part. Tonight, we 4 are all under the same roof, our roof, at home, our home…and we are all happy. It is dark, the TV is on, I am again on the couch tickling my laptop. Glenn is on the other couch and has now fallen asleep. Our son is in his bed and is asleep. Nicole is in her bed and is asleep. My dogs are even snoring. My head I think is too stimulated to wind down yet. I don’t know when i’ll be able to sleep, I’ve gotten up for several hours the last two nights. I was very nervous about how we would care for Nicole and we were especially worried about her walking, worried about the steadyness of it. After an exciting afternoon here, I am at ease with her walking, so much more than I hoped to be. Yes it is a worry, but not as bad as I thought. I think I am worried about trauma. Trauma that can take away real happiness in our lives. I am worried about everybody. All of you and all of us. I don’t know why we were choosen to have this experience, I don’t think i’ll know all the reasons for decades. But I have learned that I truely worry about people, even people I don’t know. I worry about bad things happening to them, and me. I guess I also worry about the littlest things that make me happy being taken away so fast again, and for so long. I did learn what it feels like to be truely sad. And what it feels like to be truely happy. You know the sayings you hear? “It’s the little things in life that make you happy” “Good things come to those who wait” Something about the gift that’s called the present. Even these mean different things to me now. Because I know that way back however many years ago when the sayings were born, someone had to good through something, like me. And like you. It is very scary to me now, happiness and sadness. I think that’s why all of us come together to help and love one another when things go bad, we’ve all been through bad times, which creates the cycle. It has made me happy, i’ve already been able to help some people again. And the world goes on. Please pray for us, we are praying for you now too. With love from the bottom of our mending hearts, the Kolpacks. Some have asked ”Will you continue the updates? Hope so.” Yes, we will, maybe every few weeks or once a month or so, whatever works…gotta life to go live, and…..be happy. Us 4 🙂 Never will be able to thank you all enough. Never.